From the scrolls of Zhat Tziki, High Skink Priest of the Cohorts of Lustria.
Mood: Eager
Listening to: The unending thunder of the jungle war drums.
God most likely to sacrifice to: Quetli, Warrior God of the True Way
Welcome to my bloq! Here I will follow the ancient and excellent traditions of my High Skink Priest ancestors by recording the events of our glorious campaign as they unfold, for the greater knowledge of our people and betterment of the Great Plan. The vulnerable and most excellent bloqs of my predecessors have been inscribed by vast teams of slave skinks on the temple walls of my home city, but now it falls to me to add to their great wisdom in whatever small way I can.
Ugh! or as the kroxigors like to say, gah’mak! I hate travelling by portal! If it were up to me, we would have come here in a great armada, but the Lord Chipotle determined that time was of the essence, and created a great vortex to transport us immediately. I shall not question his brilliant insight and wisdom; it is of no importance that I’ve spent the last three hours vomiting my enchiladas.
Still, here I am, the High Priest for a grand new campaign! The most magnificent Chipotle has commanded us to find and retrieve an ancient and most vital artefact known only as the Naq’otek-yotl’queztl’ra’tzui-huan’chipotli’zaq-khan. The Naq, as I like to call it, is said to contain vital scrolls for understanding the Great Plan of the Old Ones, and we will not fail in our task. Our army, with which I am now camped, is huge beyond reckoning - vast batallions of saurus warriors, hulking kroxigor, swarming skinks everywhere you look, with enough poisoned blowpipes to fell a herd of thunderlizards. The stegadons are pulling restlessly at their restraints, terradons soar gleefully overhead and even old Reks the talking carnosaur seems to be enjoying himself exploring these unfamiliar new lands. Scouts have already been dispatched in every direction to find word of the Naq, and I do not doubt that we will discover it soon. Gods preserve any who try to stop us reclaiming it.
There is only one tiny uncertainty that gnaws at the back of my mind. I probably shouldn’t even mention it. But just before we assembled for the portal transportation, it was announced that the most wonderful Chipotle, who is simply marvellous in every respect, will not be leading our force. He has decided to stay in Lustria to calculate the celestial schemes for the 2,561,700th time. Instead, the Lord Tzu Dhok’u has been chosen to lead our force. I am not sure what this portends. Tzu Dhok’u had not been seen for many millennia, and though I have no doubt he is a most powerful and majestic Mage Priest of the first degree, he is nevertheless somewhat...well, unsettling. He tends to mutter garbled insults to everyone around him and often talks to himself of the death of innocents. One of his eyes spins slowly in its socket, and his skin is black and leathery. Already he’s fried the minds of three of the lesser Priests on a whim, without even bothering to dedicate their deaths to the gods. Bursts of black fire occasionally fly from his palanquin in random directions. I just hope he proves to be the utterly competent leader that there is no question he will be.
***
“Eh, Staetz.” No response. The guard leaned over and nudged his slumbering companion with the butt of his spear. “Eh. Staetz, wake up you lazy lizard!”
The drowsy Temple Guardian came slowly to his senses. “I wan’t sleeping,” he said quickly.
“Right, and old Tzu Dhok’u still has all his marbles. Wake up and listen. You hear anything?”
“Nah man.” He adjusted his helmet, which was made from the skull of an ancient jungle creature. “Bro, you been spooked about something ever since we shipped. What’s eating you man?”
“Ain’t spooked” returned the first reptilian warrior. “I just hear something is all. You serious with this? You really can’t hear it?”
The second Guardian began to fidget with his giant obsidian halberd. “Now you say it, maybe I can hear some...rumbling”.
The sound was unmistakable now, and getting rapidly louder. It sounded like the loping footfall of something huge. The ground was visibly shaking.
“Something’s coming boys,” shouted the first guard towards the guardhouse behind him. “Lock and load!”
Immediately a troop of Guardians, decked for battle, sprinted out of the building and formed ranks. Finally the source of the noise crashed through the treeline ahead and came to a rearing halt before the temple gates. A giant scaly creature, all jaws and spiky tail, ridden by the most enormous saurus the guards had ever seen, emitted a deafening roar.
“Oh thank the gods, it’s just Reks”, sighed Staetz, removing one clawed hand from in front of his eyes. “Morning Reks! Morning Ra! Busy night? Didn’t realise you’d been out so late.”
The giant saurus leaped down from the carnosaur’s back and approached the Guardian. “You will call me Ra Phee-ki, as that is my title, spawnling. We have ridden long through the night with the scouting team. Now I must speak to the Lord Tzu. Is he in his chamber?”
“Um um um, yes your glorious one, Mr Phee-ki sir.” Said Staetz, leaning slightly backwards, as his companions suppressed snorts of laughter. “S-s-sincere apologies. His lordship is indeed within.”
With a grunt, Ra turned back to his enormous steed. “I will talk now with the Mage Priest. Go find yourself a tasty treat and get some rest. I fear you will need it.”
“Ro-kay,” said the beast, bounding away with a toothy smile.
Ra climbed the innumerable steps of the temple to the holy sanctum at its summit. Since the temple had only been set up upon the army’s arrival the previous day, and very little extra gold had been brought for its construction, the innumerable steps currently numbered three, and the summit was about five feet off the ground. It was a work in progress. The sanctum’s guards stepped aside to allow Ra entry.
In the gloom within, Ra discerned a bloated form with little crackling bolts of energy cascading from its body. A shrill, insane voice could be heard.
“More! Yes, more! I must have mooooore!” said the voice, which then proceeded to laugh maniacally. A tiny, terrified skink attendant rushed past with a huge plate heaving with Izti grubs, a Lustrian delicacy.
“Thank you,” said the bloated toad, who hovered slightly above the ground on a stone slab, covered in scrawled incantations and more skulls than a could fit in a thunderlizard’s belly. “I shall spare you for today. But do not be deceived, your time will come, oh yes, yours and everyone else’s. Soon the whole world will know the power of -”
“My revered Lord Dhok’u,” interrupted Ra.
The Mage Priest turned on his palanquin. “Oh, Ra, I didn’t see you there. Do come in.” The slann absent-mindedly levitated a handful of grubs off the platter and into his open maw. “Joo joo iv nee oos?”
“My Lord?”
“Sorry,” said Tzu, swallowing. “I said, do you have any news?”
“Yes Lord”, said Ra, staring firmly at a point slightly above and to the right of the slann’s head, trying to take his mind off the unsettling but steady rotation of the creature’s eyeball. “It is about that that I have come. Our scouts have found many things, although sadly no sign yet of the Naq’otek-yotl’queztl’ra’tzui-huan’chipotli’zaq-khan.” He pronounced the relic’s name flawlessly. “But we could not penetrate the land in one direction. That way is blocked to us.”
“Blocked?” cried Tzu Dhok’u. “No lands are blocked to the forces of Tzu- I mean, the forces of the Old Ones!”
“It is an encampment of high elves, sir,” said Ra quickly, before the Lord could start monologuing. “They present no threat, but they hold their territory fast. We will have to go around them.”
“Nonsense. The lizardmen don’t go around their foes! They smash through them with the fury of a thousand purple suns! Take some troops at once to demolish this insulting so-called blockage. And bring me their corpses so that I may feast- I mean, so that I may present their flesh to Quetli in sacrifice,” said the mage priest hastily.
“Sir, I do not question your orders in any respect, you who knows all and is worthy above all things,” said Ra, warily. “But the elves have long been the allies of the lizardmen. I myself fought beside them at the battle of the plains of Naggoroth. There is nothing to be gained from wanton war with their kind.”
“Sounds a little bit like you are questioning me, oldblood. Though of course that cannot be the case, can it now?” Tzu grinned evilly. Sparks began to fly from the palanquin’s base. The skink attendant quietly began to sidle towards a safe-looking enclave. “I’m not asking again, my most loyal servant. Take whatever puny army you require and DRIVE THESE BLEMISHES FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH, FOR THE GLORY OF - ah - QUETLI!” A huge tongue of flame leapt from toad’s blackened body, consuming the old saurus and bursting from the sanctum’s door.
After a suitable pause, Ra blinked slowly and thumped his tail against the floor a few times to extinguish the flames.
“I see, my lord. As you command, so it shall be.” Wiping the ash from his scales, he turned and marched out. On the temple steps, the middle one to be precise, he met the wizened old skink Zhat Tziki, recently promoted to High Priest. “War’s coming,” grunted the saurus.
“War? Already?” sighed the old priest. “Let me guess, old crazy eyes in there wouldn’t take no for an answer? Looks like you got quite the treatment.”
“I’ve had worse. It’s elves, Zhat. We have to fight the high elves. At least we’ll get to keep the troops in shape. Assemble a cohort of the newbie saurus and as many skinks as you can herd into one place. Tell them we march at nightfall. And Zhat? It wouldn’t hurt for M’upha-Sa to come on a walk with us. He needs the exercise.”
The skink grinned. “I will tell his handlers to prepare the howdah immediately. For the glory of Quetli!”
“For the glory of Quetli,” agreed Ra.
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